Published September 13, 2009

DO: Visit schools.
Visiting schools takes a lot of time and effort. It is, however, one of the most important parts of the school selection process.  Use the search tools on this site to develop a preliminary list of schools which interest you and your child. Iif you are located overseas,  be sure to research flights to major ports of entry such as Seattle and Los Angeles on the west coast and Boston, New York, Atlanta and Miami on the east coast and Denver and Chicago in the western and mid-western parts of the country. If you ever have to make an emergency trip to your child's school, you will understand why this step is so important.

Once you have developed your preliminary list, refine it to a short list of 3-5 schools. Then visit these schools to determine if they are indeed a good fit for your child's needs and your requirements.


DON'T: Ignore your child's reactions.
The older your child is, the more you have to involve her in the whole process. The only obvious exception would be if you are dealing with other issues such as a learning difficulty or a behavioral syndrome. In those cases your parental instincts as to what's best for your child trump everything else.

It is very important for you to discuss the reasons why you want your daughter to go off to boarding school. Listen carefully to her input. Factor her requirements into the selection process. If she insists on visiting a school which you don't think is suitable, be patient with her. Visit it anyway. She may have discovered something about the school which you have overlooked or perhaps have placed less importance on. It may well be that she is right.


DO: Budget for the unexpected.
Because boarding schools are usually located some distance from your place of residence, always build some flexibility into your budget for your child's schooling as well as extra expenses. In addition to the usual lessons, boarding for her horse and so on, there will be opportunities for side trips and events which she simply cannot miss. If she has to make a sudden trip home for an emergency situation such as an illness or death in the family, she will need to act quickly. Make sure her debit card and credit card have plenty of room to handle that sort of expense. Add at least another 10% to the school's monthly bill for contingencies.


DON'T: Be a helicopter parent.
Being concerned about your child is perfectly normal. Preventing her from accepting responsibility for her own actions is not. Hovering over a child or over-parenting is something some 21st century parents seem to do. Hence the term 'helicopter' parent. Use her boarding school years as a time for her to use her wings and make short flights from the nest. The confidence which she builds from being allowed to take some acceptable risks will pay off handsomely in later life.

On the other hand, your child's education has to be a partnership. It's you the parent, your child and the school in this together. For the long term too. That means you need to monitor your child's progress from afar. Fortunately email and cellphones make this easy to do. Most boarding schools will have a parents' portal which you can use to check on academic progress. It's not a matter of snooping. Be sure your child understands that.